Das Boot

German submariners have sex with French prostitutes then go to sea. Murder defenceless merchant seamen by blowing them up, burning them to death, drowning them or abandoning them in the Atlantic. Later return to France to have sex with more prostitutes. But just in time brought to

Das Boot (1981)

justice by the RAF. 

 

Endangered Species

Mein Kampf

Passionate water colour artist outlines vision of European Union involving extensive architectural and boundary changes.

The Bible

Major deity creates the world and mankind but it goes horribly wrong.

He sends down son to sort it out.

Fails.

Elizabeth

Emotionally disturbed woman has her cousin murdered, takes to wearing lead-based paint then marries herself.

Liz the First

Buys lots of expensive jewellery but still dies childless. Hugely popular (except in Spain). 

White Cliffs of Dover

Nice lady from East Ham sings about plates of calcium carbonate formed by coccolithophores, single-celled planktonic algae.


1942

This raises morale of soldiers during difficult times. 

1961...with bonus tracks

King Kong

Blonde lady

Large monkey tries to have sex with small blonde lady but falls off building instead. 
                                                                  

Large monkey 



Building

Star Trek

Yorkshire man explores different

bits of space.

Star Trek captain (1994)



Apocolypto

Remarkably accurate story of psychotic sun worshipping civilisation that preys on peaceful neighbours, and either enslaves them or rips their hearts out. Finally brought to justice by Spanish tourists. 

Apocolypto (2006)



Spanish tourists arriving on the beach

 (Director later becomes Iraqi dictator then rude about Jewish people)

Iraqi Dictator      Film Director 

Braveheart

Remarkably inaccurate story of violent men in war paint and coarsely woven skirts who travel south to murder people with different accents. Their leader is finally brought to justice in the Tower of London...


Braveheart (1995)

(He later becomes Australian then an Iraqi dictator)


Iraqi Dictator                             Australian

Titanic Again and Again

Lovingly crafted boat with amateur artist, sex-starved aristocrat (and former concentration camp guard), 8,000 cigars, 1,500 bottles of wine and a Pekinese dog on board suffers unfortunate buoyancy issues.

Titanic (1997)

Titanic Again

Lovingly crafted boat with would-be fur trapper, 8,000 cigars and a Pomeranian dog on board suffers unfortunate buoyancy issues.

A Night to Remember 1958

Titanic

Lovingly crafted boat with 8,000 cigars and a Pekinese dog on board suffers unfortunate buoyancy issues. 


Titanic (1953)

Casablanca

Promiscuous Swedish woman tricks well-meaning American with bad teeth into handing over his transit papers. He’s left to strike up intimate relationship with French policeman. Meanwhile black man smiles a lot.

Stereotyping in 1942

  


Master and Commander

Men and boys in stockings and unreasonably large felt hats chase each other all over South Atlantic, firing assortment of guns and causing terrible injuries.

Master and Commander (2003) 

The Lord of the Rings

Dysfunctional midgets still steal weapon of mass destruction from rightful owner causing a terrible war. Then they still go home and drink beer.

The Lord of the Rings

Dysfunctional midgets steal weapon of mass destruction from rightful owner causing a terrible war. Then they go home and drink beer.

Seven Samurai

Wily peasants trick violent unemployed into fighting to protect their organic crops from other violent unemployed. Lots of shouting and Vaseline. 

Bushido cig break

Female Eunuch

Angry Australian woman who can’t have an orgasm declares futile war on men and society. Later pretends to be Bavarian.



Liberated female author

Ghandi

Badly dressed vegetarian travels widely, becomes a celebrity and defeats British Empire. Dies unexpectedly at a garden party.


Dressed for dancing