"Spiffingly good fun!"

"Spiffingly good fun!"

Wednesday 29 July 2015

GREEK GOVERNMENT SECURES STUNNING VICTORY!



From his office in a waste recycling bin, the Spartan King, ‘Leonidas’ Tsipras, made an historic announcement – that after three hundred days of severe financial hardship, riots, suicides and unpaid taxes, he had secured a stunning victory over the EU, Chancellor von Merkel, the Troika, Queen Elsa, Frodo Baggins and the Persians. As from next week the people of Sparta will be subjected to unprecedented austerity and slavery for at least a thousand years. 

Varoufuckedoffopolus, the general in charge of the treasury, said it was Sparta’s greatest victory since the Wehrmacht entered Athens in 1941.
Steve Sack
UPDATE:
An EU spokesperson said the decision to subject Greece to a thousand years of austerity will only serve to strengthen democracy and prosperity throughout Europe.

Another EU spokesperson has confirmed that Sepp Blatter will become President for Life.

Yet another EU spokesperson has confirmed that bears do not shit in the woods and the Pope doesn’t wear a funny hat.

Tuesday 28 July 2015

Lord Sewer Rat issues furious denial!



The House of Bawds peer furiously denied allegations made in a British tabloid yesterday. Lord Sewer Rat said, “I have never fulfilled my duties to the high standards expected of rich, privileged people like me. I have never claimed less than two hundred pounds a day in public monies to pay for drugs and prostitutes. Furthermore, I have always worn orange bras and leather jackets to work. I have done my best to take Class A drugs as much as I possibly can and be rude about my colleagues. And I should like to add that I have nothing but the utmost respect for those wonderful slopes – I mean Asian women – who try to make ends meet by having sex with me for money.”
Steve Bell, Guardian
Meanwhile, the Prime Minister said he was shocked by such ‘inappropriate’ behaviour – and would immediately put plenty of new peers into the House so they could also wear orange bras, take lots of illicit drugs and have sex with slopes.