Lord Sewer Rat issues furious denial!

The House of Bawds peer furiously denied allegations made in a British tabloid yesterday. Lord Sewer Rat said, “I have never fulfilled my duties to the high standards expected of rich, privileged people like me. I have never claimed less than two hundred pounds a day in public monies to pay for drugs and prostitutes. Furthermore, I have always worn orange bras and leather jackets to work. I have done my best to take Class A drugs as much as I possibly can and be rude about my colleagues. And I should like to add that I have nothing but the utmost respect for those wonderful slopes – I mean Asian women – who try to make ends meet by having sex with me for money.”

Steve Bell, Guardian

Meanwhile, the Prime Minister said he was shocked by such ‘inappropriate’ behaviour – and would immediately put plenty of new peers into the House so they could also wear orange bras, take lots of illicit drugs and have sex with slopes.