1864

ANIMAL LOVE

In the nineteenth century, Denmark suffers a severe case of stereotyping. Noblemen are degenerate, politicians are corrupt, country folk noble and gypsies wear floppy felt hats (bearing uncanny resemblance to hobbits). Denmark invades a small province with a silly name because everyone goes mad at the same time. Meanwhile, in the twenty-first century, a miserable girl with pierced skin steals from an old man who doesn’t comb his hair properly.  

So the Prussians (who also suffer severe stereotyping) put on very big hats with skulls on, march in and give the Danes a bloody good hiding.

Funded by a resentful Danish public.   

100 years later Denmark is famous for hard-core porn production.  

The Third Man

Well-meaning entrepreneur mercilessly pursued by alcoholic policeman and writer across city.

Very rude about Swiss people. 








Self-absorbed girlfriend fails to help and he is eventually shot dead in a sewer.






Musician becomes minor celebrity after playing zither at his funeral. 

The Third Man (1949)

300

300 muscular men into olive oil, contact sports and long hair fight to save the civilised world from destruction. Their leader is called Leonidas. His name literally means ‘Warrior with the Lion-Sized Testicles.’ 

He is famous for his laconic sense of humour (as well as his testicles). At the start of the battle Leonidas says, “Either that’s the Persians or the new vacuum cleaners have arrived.”

They all die.

James Bond

Scottish spy who hated contemporary music, killed lots of foreigners and repeatedly had unprotected sex with a succession of trendy young women. 

From Russia with Love

Made huge amounts of money pretending to be quintessentially British. 

Freedom Fighter

Now supports Scottish independence. 

But lives in America.